On control & emotional diarrhea

Feb 26, 2020

We live in a world that feeds us a lot of contradictory information. People sell their ideas like warm cookies, from the  moment you wake up you open yourself up to ideas shouting at you from your phone. You can do anything you want. No, wait, you need this or that information first. No wait, this way is better than the other one. No wait, you need this book, that course, knowledge known only to a few. Which message do you choose? Is it the one that resonates with your inner belief about how reality works, or do you go for the best packaged deal? 

People who have tons of listeners aren’t always the ones that tell you the truth about where to look for your treasure. Sells aren’t about what’s best for the customers, they are about what makes the seller most popular and most  prosperous. We all know salad is better than doughnuts, but we’ll make more money selling sugar covered soft balls of sweet dough that melts in your mouth, so that’s what wins. 

Trying to change people is a very hard task. Staring in a face of someone who is stuck in patterns that don’t serve them and bluntly pointing it out stops people’s hearts for a moment. Faces change, bodies tense, words come out of their mouths as if they were ready to fight. It is like telling an overweight person that they are big. They know it, they think about it but they focus on pretending that no one else can notice. They don’t want to be told something that is already, in privacy of their inner world, killing their self esteem. So we sell them a different idea - you are perfect the way you are, embrace your extra kilograms and show the world how awesome you are. That sells because it feeds the ego. We fool ourselves into believing this and spend the last bit of energy we have on trying to make our souls believe it too. It’s exhausting. Yes, embracing all of yourself is a great practice, but it doesn’t mean denial. It means taking the bits that we aren’t necessarily proud of, working with them and making them fit into our vision for ourselves not the other way around. 

At the end of the day we understand that we are capable of changing any aspect of our reality. The internal and the external. We know, we are powerful beyond belief, we are creators, we feed ourselves the knowledge that is so readily available to us. And then we go to buy doughnuts, so that we can think about it some more while enjoying that fruit of betrayal. We have just betrayed ourselves. Again. That calls for more, bigger actions that will once again postpone our arrival at the destination we call:  finally getting our shit together. There is pizza and chocolate, and a movie instead of a book. 

We have the capacity to change our lives, we have the information on how to proceed, but can we do it? 

It is not about deciding today what you are going to commit to tomorrow. It is not about making plans for next week because next week will be easier. It is not about saying to yourself - ok, i get it, I am in charge here - and waiting for the universal energy to align with this resolution. 

You are capable of miracles, but you can’t make them happen yet. 

Change is not about realisation that it is possible, like any skill in life - it is about starting with step one. Taking a miniature step, stopping, reflecting, taking notes, noticing your patterns presenting in how you act and think.. It is about being open to learning something new. Knowing about something is not the same as knowing it. You have to develop an intimate relationship with reality. You need to be willing to see things for what they are, to open yourself up to an avalanche of hurt, sorrow and guilt that will flow over you like an unexpected enemy and knock you down, no doubt. Just stand still and let it. This is the voice that you have been taming with such care now having a go at expressing all the complaints you have been carefully crafting and hiding away in the corner of your soul. It screams, it is violent and it is in a greater state of shock than you are. Unexpectedly you have provided him with a platform. It is suddenly seen and heard and it will try to take advantage of it. It will scream all the pain as fast as it can, just in case the new found freedom is going to be taken away in a moment. It is taking advantage of every second it gets. It might feel scary. But that’s fine. Once the hurricane stops a new found space opens up in front of you. You take a deep breath and realise you are still fine. You are still you. Look around, look at the debris of this explosion and really take it in. This is the uncensored  you taking the liberty of your right to free speech. 

You have got to find a way to become a friend of that big black mess on  your carpet. All the words you didn’t want to hear but they didn’t care, they came out of your mouth as quickly as you could pronounce them. Naked emotions are cuddling up to them and you feel totally bare. And scared. 

This is the place to start. Open your eyes slowly and really look around. Pick up some pieces and get familiar with their energy.  What are they actually saying, which puzzle fits where? Take ownership of what just spilled out of you. And then keep doing it again and again.. Until it doesn’t hurt anymore, until you realise you are the power that will clean and shape them up. You are not a victim here, you are the explorer. No one is looking. And yes, you are free to turn around and run off, but honestly, you know even as you read this, even before you tried to clean up the emotional diarrhea, that it will come back around. You are here attempting a change because you know something isn’t working, something doesn’t fit the idea you have for your life and yourself. That feeling alone is enough to bring you back around to this very moment, maybe tomorrow, maybe next year. You will be back. 

Or you can start now and begin moving forward. 

Change is about transcending the present situation, the moment when this concept feels impossible. And then doing it again and again until the process becomes familiar. Make yourself uncomfortable. Allow yourself to not be in charge for a minute. Then give yourself permission to  arrange the emotions, inhibitions, pains, weaknesses, triumphs and wins into a coherent order that you will be comfortable managing. 

You can’t hit a target you can’t see. So see it. Maybe for the first time. Then get busy befriending yourself. The rest will figure itself out. Once past the initial scare, when the hidden voice realises that it has been invited to stay, that it won’t be thrown into a dark wardrobe in a moment, it calms down. It looks at you with love and becomes your teacher.  

Let it lead. Let yourself lead.


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